Breakdown
by si13ntm0n5t3r
Summary: What did Elsa do in her room all those years she was isolated? Read and find out. TRIGGER WARNING!: SELF HARM AND EATING DISORDER!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: English is not my mother tongue, so I apologize for any grammar and spelling mistakes.**

 **This story takes place before the King and Queen of Arendelle died.**

 **disclaimer: I don't own Frozen.**

xxXxx

 **Chapter 1**

 _Why? Why am I even alive?_ Elsa thought. After so many years of isolation she had asked herself that countless of times. Anna wasn't talking to her anymore and her parents didn't care. They only thought of her as a replacement. She was all alone.

Tears trickled down Elsa's face, falling down to the floor and completely freezing it. She didn't know why she was crying. A part of her was hurting, while the other part was numb. Empty.

For some reason she wanted to feel pain. Liking the idea of hurting Elsa grabbed her left arm with her right hand and dug her nails into the flesh.

 _I need this. I deserve this. I am a monster after all. This is my punishment. I keep hurting people. Again and again._

Blood started running down her arm. Elsa winced in pain as her nails broke through the skin, but smiled in pleasure at the same time. Happy that she has accomplished something. Her face turned to the right and she froze at the sight of her reflection in the mirror. Why had she been smiling like that? _No! This is wrong!_ Elsa turned away from the mirror and looked at her arm again. There were blood trails running down her arm. The bleeding had already stopped since she didn't go that deep, but Elsa stood up otherwise and headed to the bathroom. She cleaned her arm and patched up the wounds so they would heal faster.

Back in her bedroom Elsa let herself fall onto the bed. _Why am I still feeling this way?_ Elsa clutched her covers. She shut her eyes as her body shook. _Why am I feeling so helpless? I want it to stop. Why can't it stop?_ Elsa opened her mouth and tried to breath. She felt like she wasn't getting enough oxygen into her lungs. _Why am I still in pain?_ Elsa hadn't noticed that she was crying, staining her pillow. And so it was another night of crying herself to sleep.

xxXxx

 **Okay, this was a very, very short chapter. I don't know why, but I just wanted to write something like this. I'm not sure where this is going, but I'll definitely write a second chapter.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: English is not my mother tongue, so I apologize for any grammar and spelling mistakes.**

 **I am really sorry that it took so long. I don't know what happened. Somehow I just got unmotivated. I'm really sorry about that.**

xxXxx

 **Chapter 2**

Elsa crouched over the toilette bowl, the sound of vomiting filling the room. She sat on the floor listening to the voices that were consuming her mind. _You are a disgrace. You are a failure. Look at you. You are ugly and fat. You are nothing like a princess._

Elsa got back on her feet and rinsed her mouth. She viewed herself in the mirror and smiled. Elsa had no control over her powers, but at least now she felt like she had control over her body.

But there was still a weird feeling lingering in her heart. Elsa couldn't get rid of it no matter what she did. The only thing she could think of was hurting herself.

She slid down the wall and cried. Elsa cried because she was all alone in this world. No one cared. She felt lonely and helpless. She felt pain. She felt empty.

Elsa pulled her knees up and hugged herself. She definitely needed a hug. Then came a point where she couldn't take it anymore and suddenly she had a razor in her hand. She stared at it for a moment, tears leaking out her eyes and pressed it against her arm. Elsa winced as she felt the cold metal pierce her skin, but smiled in satisfaction. She slid it down her arm and blood leaked out of the cut. For a moment she enjoyed the sensation, but was disappointed when it disappeared again. She needed it. Her heart constricted in pain and she let out short breaths, trying to stop her trembling form. She couldn't handle the pain. Elsa pressed the razor down on her arm again and again. She couldn't stop it. It was already too late to stop.

Elsa knew that she was coping the wrong way. But what could she do? She wasn't supposed to feel and she didn't know any better. Better feel physical pain instead of emotional pain. Who cared anyway? It was only her. Her loneliness, her pain, her suffering. She had to deal with everything on her own. That's how it had always been.

The next weeks had consisted of throwing up and cutting herself. She felt meaningless. Why was she still going through every day in her life? She slept, even if it was just a little, she woke up, ate, threw up, cut and went back to bed. That was her daily routine. And of course no one knew what she doing to herself, because no one cared. No one noticed until it was too late.

Elsa had just thrown up and stood up when she flushed the toilet. She went over to the sink, when suddenly the world around her began to spin and she leaned against it. Elsa felt lightheaded and her knees gave out under her when she fell into unconsciousness.

xxXxx

 **The end. Review? (*.*)**


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